Walkin' Out the Cornfield

Walkin' Out the Cornfield (phrase): used to describe a person who looks as though they belong in another period of time, namely in the past. To have a historic look about you.

“Look at that little cutie over there, she sure is workin' that flapper dress & short bob. Girl be Walkin' Out the Cornfield in style!”

4th and Long

4th and long (noun): a reference to a play in American football, referring to a last-ditch attempt to salvage a recently ended romantic relationship, usually very shortly after its conclusion.

“I broke it off with April last week, but she invited me over tonight for dinner and told me to bring wine. I think she might be trying a 4th and long.”

"Takin' the back roads in Buttzville"

takin' the back roads in buttzville (phrase): a term for anal sex

"My boyfriend keeps trying to get me to take the back roads in Buttzville but I'm not really into it."

Comma, bitch!

Comma, bitch!: (exclamation) a phrase added after a report of exceedingly mundane activity, designed to make the content of the preceding statement seem more exciting, bad-ass, or impressive.

“This morning before work I stopped at Duane Reade to pick up some orange juice and Listerine. Comma, bitch!”

A Dingo's Age

A Dingo's Age: (ah DIN-goes ay-juh) (n.) a really long time.

"Man, I feel like I haven't seen that guy in a dingo's age. I think the last time we hung out was right before Thanksgiving."

The Sandwich Spot

The sandwich spot: [thuh sand-wich spot] - noun :

1) The bite taken from a sandwich in which all of the different flavor elements first coalesce into a unified triumph of deliciousity.

2) Any similar experience where all the differentiated pieces of an activity suddenly meet to become greater than the sum of the parts.

"The first six episodes of that show were all about character development, but on the seventh episode they really hit the sandwich spot."

Stretching Gay

Stretching Gay: (verb) the act of two platonic friends of the same gender behaving in such a manner that suggests they are a homosexual couple.

"Can you believe that Brandon and Tim went to see Duplicity while the rest of the guys went to a strip club? Those two are seriously stretching gay lately..."

Cans

Cans: [cah-nz] (noun) A phrase used for comforting someone who has had a bad day or calming a hysterical person. Inspired by Jack Traven in Speed:

"Hey, how you doing?"
"A 12 year old Ben Linus just brought me a chicken salad sandwich. How do you think I'm doing?"
"... cans."

The Grunch

grunch [gruhnch] - exclamation : Onomatopoeia for the sound that is made when Life kicks you in the metaphorical balls.

"I just sat on my girlfriend's birthday cake. GRUNCH!"

noun form:

Any event, action or consequence that would cause that sound to be made.

"I specifically told him to be careful when he sat down, but he still managed to sit on the cake. It was a solid grunch."


"Deliver the grunch!" - [di-liv-er thuh gruhnch] exclamation: Said in recognition of an oncoming grunch.

"I am gonna catch so much shit for sitting on this cake. Deliver the grunch!"

Go tit

Go tit: (verb) to become a lesbian; in the case of a gay man, to return to dating women. ("I am seriously done with men. I'm going tit.")

Dumping the Bunny

Dump the Bunny: (verb) to discard of, particularly in terms of food.  ("Phew!  This Chinese food has been sitting out for quite some time, I think it's time we dump the bunny.")

Working Hard/Hardly Working

Perfect storm: (noun) a situation at one's job in which there are so many separate things that need to be done that it becomes impossible to prioritize any single task as the most important; this usually results in no work getting done at all.


Flip it mode-time: (verb) to relax, but in an extremely goal-oriented manner. ("This weekend we are going to flip it mode-time, gentlemen: we're going to beat all eight Mega Man games and watch all the good Star Trek movies, or die trying.")

Sadsome

Sadsome: (adjective) any event, person, place or thing that is as sad as it is awesome. ("Sure, all those people at Circuit City are losing their jobs, but I got an XBox 360 for a hundred bucks. It was totally sadsome.")

On the Shelf

On the shelf: (adjectival phrase) term used to describe a person who has angered or slighted you to such a degree that you are considering terminating contact and/or friendship with them. ("This is the fourth time in two weeks that Tom was supposed to pick me up and 'forgot.' That dude is on the shelf.")

New Entries

Reverse Porn (n.) [ree-vurs' pohrn]: The act of 2 or more people engaging in sexual activity whilst a pornographic video depicting solo male or female masturbatory action airs in the same room, thus giving the impression that the pornographic actor/actress is pleasuring him/herself to your sexual encounters.

"I turned on a Tits McGee solo scene from "Lawrence of the Labia" while I was banging 3 Finnish dwarves. It was some sweet reverse porn, dude!"

You can put ice in it (phrase) [yoo kan puht eys in it]: A phrase uttered to call attention to the fact that someone has just repeated a phrase that was spoken a very short time ago, usually within the same conversation.

Person 1: "What's the name of that movie? The one with the big white dog that flies around?"
Person 2: "The Neverending Story."
Person 3: "Oh yeah! That's the one with that big dog that flies!"
Person 2: "Yeah, and you can put ice in it."

Messing Things Up

"Fucked royal" [fŭk d roi-uhl ] - adjectival phrase :

1) To be in a difficult or unfortunate situation to an extreme degree.

2) To be fucked to such a degree that you have been appointed king or queen of being fucked.

"Man, after Bush's administration the US's position in global politics is fucked royal."


"Stupid up" [stoo-pid uhp] - verb : to blunder, botch, fumble or otherwise screw up in a manner that is characteristically lacking in intelligence.

"Dominic totally stupided up the cake by using baking soda that he thought was flour."


"Pull a wicked ___ ollie" [poo l a wik-id ___ ol-ee] - verb : To trip, fall, fumble, walk into, smack into, drop something, break something, damage something or otherwise perform an action unintentionally, usually with a negative or unusual outcome.

"Did you see Quincy hit himself in the face with that spatula? He pulled a wicked pancake ollie."


"____ criticals you for fifty." [____ krit-i-kuhls yoo fawr fif-tee] - exclamation : An exclamation in response to an unfortunate event or series of events, meant to poke fun at a failing or an unlucky coincidence.

"Dan walked into a door. Door criticals Dan for fifty. Dan is dead. Would you like to respawn?"

Double Business

"Double ____ " [duhb-uh l] - adjectival phrase/noun (depending on use) : When used before a word of any type it is meant to suggest a value of twice the normal value of that which it modifies. Sometimes, it is used in such a way as to imply an even greater, but somehow unquantifiable, modification of value.

"Man, I am going to be double fucked if I can't get my car to start before work tomorrow."

"This pie is so good, it's like double pie."

"If that guy shows his face around here again, I'm not just gonna give him the business, I'll give him the DOUBLE business!"

"Double plus ____" [duhb-uh l pluhs] - adjectival phrase/noun (depending on use) : Meant to imply an increase in value superior to that of merely "double" the original value. Adds a definitive unquantifiable modifier to the previous sentiment of "double".

"Holy shit, this pie is double plus delicious! I believe I just had a flavor-splosion!"

"Double plus good/bad _____" [duhb-uh l pluhs goo d] - adjectival phrase/noun (depending on use) : For the rare situations when even "double plus" is insufficient to truly drive home the order of magnitude to which the value modification must be pushed to accurately represent a sentiment.

"I had been in a coma for three years until one day my doctor force fed me a bite of key lime pie that was so double plus good that I was not only revived but spontaneosly knew how to play the piano."

Going to Queens

Not to intentionally continue the theme of euphemisms for sex, but here's one from way, way back in the early 2000s...

Going to Queens: (verb) engaging in sexual intercourse

Train Forays

Everyone wants to have sex, Risky Business style, on a moving train. But it's not the kind of thing you can really talk about in polite conversation. Here are some euphemisms to help you brag to your friends, or explain to your doctor where that itching started...

"Hobo's Lollipop" - this is an expression that signifies performing oral sex on a man, whilst on a train.

"Mind the gap" - this expression signifies performing oral sex on a woman, whilst on a train.

"Nail on the rail" - this expression signifies two people having sex on a train.

Good luck using them!

Chanabanfran

Chanabanfran!: (exclamation) a replacement for more conventional profanity when circumstances such as the presence of children, clergy, little old ladies, parents, bosses or what-have-you prevent actual profanity from being used. Especially after sustaining a minor but unexpected injury; often preceded by "Sweet"(I.E. "Sweet chanabanfran! I can't believe I just hit my head on that chandelier!")

Funcitement - a potent combination of fun and excitement, a whole greater than the sum of it's parts.

"How's your Dr. Katz now?" - originally from the show Dr. Katz: Professional Therapist, as spoken by Barry Sobel. It is used when you've gotten the better of someone in a conversation, usually through quite silly or childish means.

"Ninja House!" - said in a manner of a dean admonishing a rogue fraternity house, this is used whenever someone has gotten the better of you, usually by indirect or incidental means.

Columbus Steamer - a sexual term, referring to when you defecate directly into someone else's anus.

Dong-bag - a euphemism for a condom.

"Wahhh! I missed the train!" - used to mock someone for making lame excuses for some mistake.

"Everything's Coming Up Milhouse!"

"Everything's coming up Milhouse!" [ev-ree-thing's kuhm-ing uhp mil-hous] - exclamation:

1) An exclamation meant to convey a sudden and unexpected change in fortune such that a person prone to unfortunate or disappointing occurences instead experiences some modest amount of good fortune, most likely in an unusual capacity.

"I tripped over my own feet but after I hit the ground I found five bucks. Everything's coming up Milhouse!"

2) An exclamation of excitement about a recent postive turn of events.

"I got that new job I wanted! Everything's coming up Milhouse!"

Origin - The term is originally a fusion of the term "Everything's coming up roses!" and a reference to the character Milhouse Van Houten from the long running animated show "The Simpsons". The term "Everything's coming up roses!" originates as a song from the muscial Gypsy and is commonly used to convey a sense of good fortune or happiness. The writers of "The Simpsons" took that sentiment and played it off against the perpetual disapointment of the show's eternal fall guy, Milhouse Van Houten. Term first appeared in episode "Mom and Pop Art" of "The Simpsons" on April 4th 1999, and has since entered general use. Many intelligent and sexy critics believe that this phrase is among the most expressive new idioms to have been created in the 20th Century.

Scrambaculence

Scrambaculence [scram-back-yuh-luh ns] - noun: The quality or state of events such that seemingly impossible or highly improbable outcomes occur (or are guarenteed to occur) for the sake of hilarity, to such a degree as to imply the existence of a higher power who is very bored.

"I had had one drink before I decided to drive home. One of my friends had somehow managed to leave an open beer in my car, so I decided to throw it out the window. First I checked to make sure that no one was around to see me , but through sheer scrambaculence I somehow managed to throw it right through the open window of a cop car that had just pulled up beside me. Needless to say, the cop had just come from a meeting of alcoholics annonymous."

Adjective form - scrambaculent

the Gull strikes back

Here is my first entry into the Vernacular Project:

bison rider: (noun) a derogatory term used to describe a homosexual, specifically a man who likes to fornicate with other men. ("Did you see Paul having sex with Mike? He is such a bison rider")

The Inaugural Entry!

Before I post the first five new terms- “new” being a relative term; some of these are a few years old- I wanted to throw out a thought on formatting. As you’ll see below I went with a pretty standard set-up for each entry, but that’s just me. Anyone who eventually posts here can set up their entries however they damn well please.

And, with that out of the way, the first official entry in The Vernacular Project!


Arctic madness: (noun) erratic behavior brought on by extreme, usually unexpectedly cold weather. (“It was so cold at the Met game that Brendan was throwing chunks of his pretzel at Lou. He must have had Arctic madness.”)

Before your birthday: (adjectival phrase) quickly, especially more quickly than expected. (“We’re not going to be late for the movie; I know a shortcut that will get us there before your birthday.”)

Bitty-bottom: (noun/adjective) the southernmost or lowest point of something; opposite of “tippy-top.”

I just opened up my pound cake!: (exclamation) an expression of dismay over something ending as soon as one arrived.

Sugar up: (verb)1. to imbibe any sort of high-sugar, possibly caffeinated beverage or snack in order to avoid falling asleep at an inopportune time. (“I have a department meeting at 9:30 tomorrow morning. I’m going to have to sugar up as soon as I get into the office.”)

2. Can also be used to be synonymous with "buck up" or "cowboy up", though neither of those terms can be used synonymously with the first definition of "sugar up."

Introduction

Over the years, various friends of mine and I have come up with a number of new slang words or phrases that we have said would be our new words of choice for the particular concepts they refer to or summarize. We have then gone on to rarely, if ever, use these terms in the way we intended, partially because to break out a new phrase in front of people who don’t know about it requires a great deal of explaining, partially because the ideas seem less clever as time goes on, and partially because these words and phrases are often concocted by people who are very, very drunk.

This is a shame, because aside from comic books and a cold glass of Coke, there are few things I love more than the ever-evolving English language. For new phrases and words to be created and then almost immediately forgotten is like seeing a fish crawl out of the ocean on newly evolved legs, then saying to yourself, “Ew!” and kicking it back in before rushing back up the beach to wash your shoe off. It’s impeding progress and growth, and that’s not good. Whether we’re talking about an ecosystem or a government or a language, lack of progress leads to stagnation and eventually destruction. It’s already happening, on some level; the generation immediately behind mine has little regard for rules of grammar or spelling or punctuation, and it will only worsen with further generations. Unless steps are taken to prevent it, my generation’s grandchildren will be writing and speaking in a garbled mess of unrecognizably misspelled words, “LOL”-style abbreviations and (God help us) emoticons.

So, to prevent the language from being torn down from the bottom up, we need to keep adding levels at the top, and where better to do it than the place more responsible for the fading of proper English than any other, the Internet? I have set up a new blog that can be accessed and updated by anyone who’s interested, a place where the new slang terms and phrases of an entire generation can be recorded, defined and catalogued for all to see, study, and, if so inclined, adopt as their own.

I will be posting the first batch of new terms in a few days, but by no means do I want this to be something to which only I contribute. Blogger allows for numerous contributors (up to 100) to a given page, and I intend to open The Vernacular Project to anyone who expresses an interest in contributing. Anyone who’s interested needs simply to let me know- replying here, sending me an e-mail, whatever floats your goat- and I’ll add you as a contributor, likely within 24 hours of the request.

Thus, I present The Vernacular Project. Come one, come all, and together we can save the English language from itself.